What is An Appropriate Age Spread for Dating?

I believe that the maximum age spread is: guy is 8 years older, or girl is 2 years older.  I know that immediately, especially when it comes to the girl only being 2 years older I’m going to have a lot of raised eyebrows.  Give me an opportunity to explain myself!

First and foremost, the 8 year spread comes with a PREREQUISITE.  The girl MUST be at least 21 years old.  That means that going from 20 (guy age) and 12 (girl age) OBVIOUSLY DOES NOT WORK.  As a matter of fact, that is just sick, and I would kung fu your ass if I ever found out about it.  Unless you are some super buff, athletic 20 year old.  In which case, I would disapprove and judge from afar.  Very afar.

Hah.  I showed you suckah.

But, even in a less extreme example, going from 24-16 is not acceptable.  Not only could that get you into serious trouble (if you have sex it becomes statutory RAPE), but it’s just disturbing and gross on so many levels.  Sort of how 20+ years older with a kid that is your age is gross and disturbing on SOO many levels.

Another thing that I do not support is senior-freshman in high school (which would be roughly 18-14).  Even though that is a 4 year spread, that’s still a risk for statutory as well, and apart from that, SHE JUST GOT OUT OF MIDDLE SCHOOL.  There’s really something wrong with that.  Furthermore, when both parties are so young (pre-college) there is still so much maturing and growing that needs to happen.

NOW, once you hit college, however, I think there’s a “progressively” expanding dating spread that occurs.  At first, when you are a freshman, I think that if you have a girlfriend from high school who is one year younger (or visa versa for the girl), then it’s definitely fine to stay in that relationship.  Honestly, my personal opinion is, “don’t kid yourself, your relationship isn’t going to work”, though.  I remember my first year of college, there were SOOO MANY couples that tried to stay together after one of them graduated and the other stayed behind in high school.   HAHAHA.  I’m not trying to be a jerk, but it was funny watching each of those relationships getting picked off one by one.  The first month, you could hear all the conversations outside in the dorm hallway between the guy and the girl, obviously arguing about “you went out and you didn’t tell me about it!  OMG”.  Second month, GG.  Game over.  Relationships ending by the dozens!  Girls and guys both crying in the hallways.  It was…really sad.

Okay okay, I’m not trying to be a jerk and enjoy the fact that a bunch of these “once one of them entered college” relationships failed, and I do know that there are the RARE gems that seem to work through even these hardships, but I think I have a deep bitter jadedness toward this because when I entered college both of the girls that I wanted to date (from my dorm) were dating someone from high school.  DAH!  It was so sad.  I got out-gamed by a high school senior.  That is…until 2 months in…

ANYWAYS, when you enter college, the age spread increases as follows for guys, and the girls side stays consistent (2 years down, X years up):

1. Freshman Year (18-19 Years Old): 1 year younger (you must have been dating before you entered college) and 2 years older (although if you get a junior as a freshman, STUD!)
2. Second Year (19-20 years old): 1 year younger (You cannot dip back into high school anymore you disgusting..) and 2 years older (although, once again, if you can get a senior as a sophomore, STUD!!!)
3. Third Year (20-21 years old): 2 years younger (Although, you should wait for the end of freshman year to give the girl some time to mature) and 2 years older (ONCE AGAIN!  GRADUATE!?  STUD!!!)
4. Fourth Year (21-22 years old): 2 years younger (You better not be dipping back into freshman…they’re basically HIGH SCHOOLERS until after they finish their first year…) and 2 years older (not as much of the stud as the top three situations, but still!  STUDLY my friend)
5. First Year out of College (22-23 years old): 3 years younger (Although, that third year is stretching it…it’s not as bad imo) and 2 years older (now you do not get the “stud” label since you graduated, and she’s graduated).
6. Second Year out of College (23-24 years old): 3 years younger, 2 years older
7. Third Year out of College (24-25): 4 years younger (by now, even if you dipped back into college the girl should be a senior and therefore I believe mature enough to handle a serious relationship), 2 years older

You guys should get the idea now.  The cap is obviously 8 years younger and 2 years older.  I personally believe that once a girl is a senior in college, it’s fair game (up until you’re 8 years older as a guy).  My reasoning for this is because I believe that if you ever start dating the girl, you can date for 1 year (while she’s in school), and then once she graduates, start getting ready for marriage.  In my opinion, 1 year is all you need to “date” to figure out if it makes sense.  I think you go through all the “seasons” of a relationship during a 1 year period, and usually 1 year of dating is followed by 1 year of engagement.

I want to clarify here that this is the CAP, and not the norm.  I don’t think it’s NORMAL for girls who are 8 years younger to date guys who are 8 years older.  But, if it had to happen, I think anymore than this is ridiculous.  OBVIOUSLY, if you can keep the age gap closer, that would be ideal.  I think for me, the “IDEAL” is a 2-4 year spread.

Now, this is where I give my reasons why I accept this age spread.  I believe that a guy should be older than the girl he dates, generally.  Now I know that that’s not a “set rule”, and nowadays you get the Demi Moore and Aston Kutcher coupling that DEFIES all regular logic.  However, I think it’s just practical for a guy to be older.  The reasons why I believe this go back to, what in essence, makes a guy “go” and what makes a woman “go”.  These ideas are primarily found in the book You Just Don’t Understand by Deborah Tannen.  I’m paraphrasing and summarizing like mad here, but I think her ultimate position is that guys desire for respect (one up each other), and girls desire to be loved (have community).  I think most of us can agree that this is a true statement to a certain extent…and it doesn’t mean that guys don’t want to be loved, and girls don’t want to be respected.  What it means is that when it REALLY boils down to it, what gets us going (guys) is a desire/thirst for respect and success, whereas for girls, there is a much deeper imbedded community/love aspect.  It’s easier to love on a girl (especially if your love language is GIFTS) when you’re older and have more money, and it’s easier to respect a guy if the guy is older than you and has more experience, knowledge, and wisdom in life.

There are always exceptions to the rule, but on the norm, I think that this is a true statement.  Within that regard, when the girl is older, it’s generally harder for the girl to respect a guy who’s younger, unless the guy is REALLY mature and has everything together.  This is because with age comes more experience, wisdom, and understanding.  So I think that’s why it’s generally difficult to go beyond the “girl is 2 years older” spread.  Can it happen?  Sure.  Am I opposed to it?  Not really.  But, I think when we consider these dynamics, it’s hard to go beyond 2 years.

I realize that another thing my “escalating” age gap portrays is the reality that guys (as they get older) increase their pool of potential while girls (as they get older) decrease their pool of potential.  All I gotta say to that is, if you’re a girl and you have a problem with it, BY ALL MEANS date 8 years younger!  I’m ALL about equality here!  Are there any thirty two year olds out there with tons of money, single, and looking for a mature male?

You be my suga momma, and I’ll be your boo.

VOMIT.