Why Desperation Is a Bad Thing

A quiet yearning awakens within the soul, destructively powerful, a dichotomy of so many contradicting realities that it’s hard to fathom that the source of these happenings come from only one source. Beautiful, yet at the same time ugly. Joy-giving, yet at the same time sorrowful. It’s an ebb and flow of two separate experiences so radically different that are still somehow ironically linked together.

Romantic Love.

There’s an old maxim out there somewhere that states, “there is a thin line between love and hate.” Now I’m not too sure about that in a literal sense, but in its implications, the reality that when you are so emotionally invested in a person it’s easy to experience strong emotions for them whether in a good or bad way is true. Anyone who has experienced this knows exactly what I’m talking about! The infamous “burning” syndrome is at the heart of this. You BURN (for those ignorant to this word, “burn” is that insatiable feeling of wanting to get into a relationship, and it only gets worse if there’s a specific someone you have in mind) to the max, and the burning is painful and stressful because you’re so invested in a person, so desirous to pursue them, that it hurts and frustrates you, but at the same time fills you with a weird sense of fulfillment.

I liken this burn to another burn that’s very similar to it. For the Korean person (and even for the average person, since Korean culture is the dominant one) (puhahaa), it’s known as BDS=Burning Ddong go mok Syndrome (Burning butthole syndrome). Let me describe this to you…BDS occurs when, the day after consuming some hot and spicy food, you go bathroom.

The spice-infused diarrhea that subsequently explodes out of your butthole brings such an agonizing pain, that you swear to yourself that you will NEVER eat spicy food for as long as you live! You think that’s bad? It gets worse when you have some sort of cut down there. Oh man. As liquid poo streaks down the sides of your crack, the only thing you’re thinking while gas explosions (that sound disturbingly similar to machine gun rounds) fill the bathroom with such a wretched stench that people outside are beginning to gag is that you want the pain to end!

But at the same time, you feel a sense of fulfillment. You just took a dump, and although it was painful, it was satisfying. You emptied out the garbage, you’re happy. But that happy fulfillment comes at a hefty price. You can’t even walk anymore, your anus hurts so bad.

It’s predominantly a western cultural phenomenon, I think. Not BDS–no, BDS is predominantly a Korean phenomenon, where the food is so spicy it comes out red on the other end. I mean the burn–the burn is predominantly a western cultural phenomenon. We’re so inundated with TV show after TV show after TV show, where people just get together on a whim, or those chick flicks from hell where romanticism comes together at it’s most beautiful and finest moments. These things constantly nag at us, making us wonder “why are we missing out on all this damned romance!” We’re all saps, everyone of us, desiring for something that really “isn’t” there, or at least not how we think it will be in our heads.

And what’s more? It’s more prevalent around this time (there is seriously a curse on valentines day or the month of valentines day that really brings this out) and also when you’re in korea/taiwan. Sick. People are stuck together at the hip in both of those places, but mostly in korea. It disgusts me. And makes me strangely jealous at the same time. Woe is me.

And the irony of all ironies is the fact that when we burn, we tend to make horrible decisions, especially in the case of pursuing someone particular. Suddenly, people who we would never even consider are the highlight of our passionate desire. What once was untouchable, suddenly becomes that which is so desirously sought after. What once was appetizer, becomes the main course. Compromise of all compromises!

When we burn, we’re blind. We accept all the flaws, all the obvious roadblocks and problems that the actual “getting together” would cause not only to you but everyone else. You suddenly don’t think about the reality that it would probably NEVER even work in the long term sense. No…all you care about is that you want your steak! And there’s nothing that’s going to stop you from getting it…

Well. Other than the fact that the Peahen/Peacock has obviously denied your attempts at pursuit.

Why do I write this post? I write this post to try and offset not only for myself but for everyone out there this “burning” passionate desire. You know, to be honest, burning is the worst time to ever get into a relationship. And, when we become so infatuated with something (or even the idea of something), it becomes an idol. It becomes a point we have to surrender to God. Until we can surrender it to God, I don’t even think He will honor our incessant prayers for that one person!

“Do not stir up or awaken love until it’s ready,” Solomon wisely advises. And it’s true. When we awaken these desirous feelings, it becomes a dangerous thing. It consumes us, our thoughts, our minds, our feelings, our emotions…it becomes the reason for both the good AND the bad days. What we need to do is put things on the backburner.

What is the backburner? The backburner is the side stove that lets something “simmer” until it’s ready to be brought out to the front. Urban dictionary gives a hilarious definition for this as: “used to describe a boy or girl of slight interest who isn’t exactly qualified to date at the moment, but may come in handy later. thus one places them on the “back burner,” keeping them warm (subtle flirting, etc.), until you’re ready to chow down.” Learn to put romantic interests on hold if the season isn’t right for it. Learn to trust God, as cliche as that may sound, and live life without having that thought consume your mind. So many people I know are “burning” nowadays. Guys…there’s so much time, there’s no reason for any of us to rush into anything. Most of us are young…most of us…

…

No but seriously. We need to let go of this idol. It’s destructive, and it nags away at your soul, your passion for life. It’s the root of “emo”, and depresses you to hell. If the person you desire doesn’t like you or doesn’t seem to like you, put her/him on the backburner. And if possible, let the idea of them die to yourself, so that you can move on. Don’t be so obsessed and consumed that it becomes a dangerous thing.

There are plenty of fish in the sea!

With that being said, I motion for two things. First, I motion that we go back to the days of arranged marriages. Gosh dang, how much easier they had it back then! It was like one of those quarter machines at the market that contain that tiny little toy. You know, the little red quarter things that once you pop in a quarter, out of the machine comes a “pleasant” surprise, or gum, or a sticker, or anything. It’s like that. You put in your quarter, and BHAM you get a wife/husband. There’s no stressing out about anything. You just end up with what you get. Maybe we can incorporate some kind of “trading” system in this, as well. That if you don’t like what you get, you can trade for someone else, sort of like sports.

Either that, (motion number two) we need to just pray harder. My philosophy is, if we pray harder than the person who we’re pursuing, we HAVE to win. It’s the simple law of scales, weights and balances. If our prayers are flooding the throneroom of God, then by the NATURAL laws and theorems that are in place in this world that God has created, the disproportionate prayers HAVE to tip the scales in our favor. So if they’re praying against it from happening, just make sure you pray that it happens MORE.

Yes my friends. The secret to this, and everything else, is prayer.