The Communication Chasm Theory: Why Guys and Girls Have a Hard Time Communicating in Relationships

One of my friends recently directed me to this VERY fascinating google phenomenon that is absolutely hilarious. As everyone who uses google regularly knows, based on what you start typing in the search bar, google will “anticipate” what the rest of your statement will be in accordance with popular search topics that contain your proposed beginning. This feature can be very helpful to google users that are extremely lazy and don’t want to type out those last few words to finish their thought.  Instead, they scroll down to their desired question and BAM, instantaneous google success.

However, when we start typing in different phrasings to try and understand what guys and girls expect from each other, we get some rather interesting results.  I’m going to post up some screen shots from some google searches, and show you what the most commonly searched topics are…

Look at what a girlfriend primarily wants from her boyfriend. There is literally only ONE reference to something sexual. Everything else, topically, involves emotional connection, romance, and love. However…

Here is the search result from the perspective of the male. FOUR TOPICS ARE SEXUALLY related. Okay, OBVIOUSLY this is not that much of a surprise for most people. It’s not like this wasn’t EXPECTED. It’s completely common knowledge that guys are generally more concerned with superficial elements of relationship, whereas girls are primarily concerned with deeper things like marriage.

But I find this absolutely fascinating anyways! And the reason why I find it fascinating is because it speaks so loudly about cross gender interaction in the 21st century, and why it’s become so difficult for men and women to communicate at times. These google searches completely validate the ladder theory on every level! I mean damn! How many guys had to search “how do I get my girlfriend to lose weight” for it to be the SECOND MOST searched topic after…

DAMN!!!

That’s pretty jacked up! But at the same time the weight issue is a big deal for many guys out there! And honestly, I believe for girls as well (although most of the times definitely more so for guys). Now, this DOESN’T mean that you have to be STICK skinny.  A lot of guys that I’ve talked to (except very superficial ones like the guy who posted on my comment about wanting to date Sloan from Entourage, who, even though saying this makes me a hypocrite, is SOOO FREAKING HOT) don’t actually want a girl that is SUPER SUPER stick skinny. I personally don’t. I think too skinny can be quite a turn off. To be honest, for me, even chubby is not that big of a deal (although not all guys are going to agree on this one, this is personal preference). But at the same time, when it comes to most people, RESEARCH shows that when someone has a choice between  someone obese or someone on the skinnier side, most people would not choose someone who’s more overweight.

Guys OR girls wouldn’t. It’s just so culturally ingrained in a lot of us through mediums like media! It’s nothing against people who choose to live a lifestyle of obesity. If you’re happy with your weight, then screw the rest of society and the world, and just live your life in happiness. Honestly, who cares because there ARE a few real gems out there that genuinely don’t care about these things, and I hope that you guys find those people. For most people, though, this is a really tough issue. On one hand you really don’t want to care, on another hand you can’t help it. Man! I wish I didn’t care! But I care!  I want to marry Sloan. Fudge. She’s hot.

But then we get into the heart essence of what is important in maintaining a relationship and making it work. You know, things like trust, mutual appreciation, marriage (ultimately), romance, love…etc. and this google search essentially incriminates all men of being sub-par (if not incompetent) in those areas. For women, the NUMBER one thing they are concerned with is marriage, according to google search. Yes, the sexual element does come second, but that’s the ONLY SEXUAL element that is even on the board.  The rest are all focused on deep, intimate relationship building elements that transcend superficiality. Damn! Women are the superior gender when it comes to understanding how relationships are REALLY supposed to work! (Although right now some guys who are reading this are protesting this assertion of how relationships are supposed to work…)

And thus, one of the most interesting social phenomenons to date is born: the male and female communication chasm.

Guys and girls in the relationship setting often have a very difficult time communicating because, most of the times, each gender’s relational expectations are so drastically different. And look, this isn’t even really in regards to the sexual issue, because both male and female enjoy sex, and it’s a very natural and necessary component to making a marriage relationship work. But it goes to the deeper essence of why either gender searches out the topics that they search.  You see because according to google search, guys are much more superficial than girls, and the things that make most guys happy are very basic pleasures of life. You know, simple things like…

And GIRLS, on the other hand, want something SO much deeper in a relationship. They want an emotional connection that implies “forever”. That’s why the diamond ring has ripped off millions of men since some stupid moronic idiot decided to link it with marriage.  Whoever did that should be shot! Freaking thousands of dollars for a piece of stupid jewelry that is going to go on a girl’s finger just so she can show the whole world how much her fiance cares about her. MAN! Diamonds are overrated! I want to sit my future potential wife down and watch Blood Diamond together, and use it as a test to see if the girl is worth marrying. If she utters the words, “watching this movie has made me change my mind about wanting a diamond,” THEN IT’S MEANT TO BE! Screw a ceremony, we’ll go straight to Vegas and hit up those drive thru instant marriages, bust out one of those rings from a cracker jack box, and go straight to what really matters!  CONSUMMATION.  of.  vows…

Yes…

Vows.

Okay okay, I’m half kidding. I’m not as against the diamond ring as I appear to be, and honestly, if my future wife wants one then I’ll get her one. Knowing me, I’ll probably break my bank trying to buy her the biggest f’ing diamond that I can find (hint hint, wink wink). But, the whole thing is, the diamond is supposed to represent all the deeper, more meaningful aspects of cross gender relationships, particularly marriage, and it’s no wonder why girls yearn for that symbolic representation of love.

The reason why I write this post, more than anything else, is because I think that both male and female need to work toward better understanding where the other one comes from. Guys need to do a much better job of taking care of a woman’s emotional need, and not fear “marriage” so much.  I know that it’s very hard for a lot of guys to do this, but if you ever want something serious (which, I realize that some guys genuinely don’t and if that’s the case this little bit of exhortation isn’t for you), then you need make an effort to relate to your girlfriend/woman on a much deeper intimate way.  Show her that you love her, romance her, do the little things that you know will make her happy just because she’s important to you. Dude we really gotta work on not being so superficial, and not being such pricks about this!

But at the same time, I think women need to realize that guys can’t help themselves with what they expect on a superficial level.  Yes, I realize that it’s dumb. Yes, I realize that it’s unfortunate it has to be this way. But realistically speaking, if guys are going to try harder to connect with you on a deeper emotional level (which for many guys this is hard to do!), girls have to try harder to connect with guys on their superficial level (as retarded as this may sound it is absolutely true!). DANG. GUYS SUCK. I totally understand where girls come from now.  haha.

Anyways, our expectations are drastically different–we need to find some common ground.

OH MAN.  THIS POST TOOK ME SO LONG TO WRITE.  AND WHAT’S WORSE IS THAT IT IS ONE OF MY MOST CONTROVERSIAL POSTS YET.  PLEASE DON’T HATE, KILL, CRUCIFY, MURDER, BANLIST me from your dating list for writing this post! Honestly, I’m one of those guys (like in 500 Days of Summer) that really believes and embraces marriage. I want to have a deep and meaningful relationship with my future wife that goes MUCH MUCH deeper than anything superficial. I’m a romantic! I promise! I can be that love romantic guy for you! Really! DAH! Starting this blog has basically screwed my chances with any woman who ever reads my blog. I’m going to have to look elsewhere for my future wife. Alaska, here I come, baby!

ANYWAYS, LET THE PEACE NEGOTIATIONS BEGIN!

Oh, and one final google search find…

HAHAHAH!  MY BOYFRIEND IS IN JAIL IS IN THE TOP TEN!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.