Look at the picture on the left! YOU CAN’T HAVE IT ALL. If you want six packs, you gotta accept the armless man. Not literally, but metaphorically! I know a ton of people who are wayyy too idealistic in what they look for, relationship wise. Is that such a bad thing? For the purposes of dating, yes, it is a bad thing! Why? Because then you end up 30+ and still single.  And, when you’re too idealistic, it becomes WAYYYY too unrealistic. Yes. UNREALISTIC idealism is deadly for your parent’s hope of you one day marrying.

First, let me talk a little bit about the IDEA-LIST. Yes. The LIST. THE CURSED LIST. The incredibly long, tedious, and unbelievably unrealistic list. The one that states “if I am going to date this person they must possess (endless list of qualities here)”. Idealist’s tend to generally want the PERFECT spouse. The problem with this, however, is that the perfect spouse (in the sense of how it compares to your list) does not exist. Why do I say that? Well that’s because no one is perfect! If you try to find someone on that list, you will always (and EVERY TIME) be completely disappointed with the end product. The list is evil. I have a list. It’s quite simple, actually. What is my list?

#1. If it makes sense, I don’t care about the rest.

And that’s it. Okay maybe not completely it. But mostly, yes, I like to keep it simple. If I like her, and she likes me, I’m definitely willing to at least TRY it.

Now, the second thing that we’re idealist about is having “supernatural confirmation” on relationships (like Serendipity!). I’m all about getting confirmation….BUT GOODNESS. Sometimes, I think people (especially idealist people) expect God Himself to come down from heaven with fire and thunder and flames and tornadoes and hurricanes and then SCREAM in your ear “YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO MARRY THE AUTHOR OF THIS BLOG!” (Did God tell you this recently? If He did please call me at 812-333-7777 so that we can discuss it in more detail, and I can pray and decide if this is indeed from God or not. PS. You need only call if you are between the heights of 5′0″ and 5′4″. I am willing to make exceptions for 5′5″ and 5′6″ based on your decision to never wear heels for the rest of your life. That is all. haha.)

Seriously though, we expect some sort of “perfect” dating story. We are petrified of a reality that exists outside of that “perfect” love story, because we think that if we do not get it, that there is something wrong with the relationship. That thinking is a doubly self defeating concept because not only do we doubt whether or not we should date someone (even if everything else makes sense) but we also start doubting the relationship even when we are IN the relationship and things are going well. “Why is nothing supernatural happening to confirm that we are supposed to be together?” You ask. And then you start fearing for your life because you’re in a place where you have to make YOUR OWN DECISION. “Wait, I have to make my own decision now? You mean, I can’t just sit here and wait 24/7 non stop and see what happens?”  Guys…you have a brain. You have a heart. You have passions, emotions, feelings, thoughts…

USE THEM.

SERIOUSLY, most of the times, it’s really simple things that are “barometers” of whether or not a relationship can work or not. The most OBVIOUS one is “DO YOU LIKE EACH OTHER?” And then from there, does it work out? Is there a future that actually can make sense with each other? Are you arguing a lot?

We are at an age (most of us) where we can make mistakes and LEARN FROM THEM. Let’s make mistakes together!

DON’T BE AFRAID TO TRY THINGS. FOLLOW THE NIKE SLOGAN. JUST DO IT! NO PUN INTENDED.

You can start now by calling me at (812-333-7777).

Technorati Tags: relationship advice, relationship information, relationship theory

Tagged as: relationship advice, relationship information, relationship theory